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Friday, November 17, 2017

Five on Friday - Feels

Well, grab some tissues and cry with me!  I know it’s Friday and you’re looking for an upbeat post, but alas, you’re probably not going to find that here today.  As a matter of fact, you’re not even really getting five of anything today… unless you want to begin to count all of the emotions I’ve been feeling this week.  Hehe.

As you’re reading this, I’m wrapping up my last day at the job where I’ve worked for the last 13 years… my first “career” that I’ve ever had.  I’ve been a roller coaster of emotions all week ranging from elation (in knowing that I’m about to have a lot more free time to spend with my babies) to disgust (because of how everything went down) to pure sadness (because I’m leaving so many friends behind).  Throw in a little bit of shock (that it’s actually happening), a lot of denial (because I don’t think I’ll actually believe it until Monday rolls around and I don’t have any place to be), and a touch of what can only be described as failure (because I’ll no longer be generating an income) and you have… me.  Welcome to my hot mess of a world. 

This last week at work has been rough. 

I’ve shredded and boxed up 13 years’ worth of files. 
I’ve typed up 13 years’ worth of notes in a spreadsheet to assist my coworkers after I’m gone. 
I’ve tried to bestow 13 years’ worth of knowledge on a temporary employee in a mere four days. 
I’ve packed up 13 years’ worth of personal belongings until my cube was left bare.
I’ve said goodbye to countless account contacts near and far.
I’ve hugged lots of coworkers and laughed about lots of old memories.
I’ve cried lots of tears, y’all.  LOTS.  (Just ask my coworker who sits in the cube next to me.)

I have pictured this day a hundred times, and never in a million years did I think it would ever be this hard.

I have had this job since I was 22 years old.  I pretty much “grew up” here.  These people that I spend every day with have watched me graduate from college.  They’ve watched me find and marry the love of my life.  They’ve watched me become a mother.  They celebrated my joys when I gave birth to our two sweet babies, and they mourned my losses when we lost our first little babe seven years ago and my grandfather two years ago.

It’s such an odd concept, the “coworker” dynamic.  When you really think about just how much time you spend with them, it’s quite shocking.  I mean, anyone who works full time pretty much spends more waking hours with their coworkers than their own families.  All of a sudden, after 13 years of seeing these people five days a week 8 hours a day, they’re just going to be gone.  Poof. 

I know I’m being dramatic, but goodness gracious am I going to miss these people!  And yes, as one of my coworkers pointed out, it’s not like I’m dying or moving to another country or something.  They will all be down the street right where they’ve always been.  It’ll just be really weird not seeing them every day, ya know?

And I know that everything will be alright.  I do.  But I’m just praying that being forced down this path is what was supposed to happen for our family.  Because yes, I’ve been wanting to be able to stay at home for some time now but I – WE – weren’t quite ready for it yet.  I wanted a thriving side hustle before we took that plunge.

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen now.  I do know that I’m going to let myself relax for the next six weeks and soak up the holiday season with my family and all of my newfound time, but I also know that starting in January I need to figure out how to make some money one way or another.  How I’m going to do that is yet to be determined. 

Now – to make it through my goodbye lunch and my exit interview gracefully and without too many tears. 

Thank you for reading.  xo

*Linking up with A Liz Adventures and Carolina Charm for Five on Friday, A Little Bit of Everything for Friday Favorites,  September Farm and The Farmer's Wife for Oh Hey, Friday, Meet @ the Barre for Friday Favorites, and Cup of Tea for High Five for Friday.


19 comments:

  1. Praying for you today sweet friend! When we decided that I would stay home with our kids. I felt just like you....scared, is this what I am suppose to be doing, can we make it work...YES! It will all work out. But that first year was the hardest adjusting to one income. Hugs!

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  2. Love you girl and I know how tough this is!! Such mixed emotions and I am like you, I stick with something and become attached and change is simply hard! I tell my boys all the time, It will all work out and ya kew what? It always does!!!! HUGS and try to have a sweet weekend with your beautiful family who adore you no matter what you do in life!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Andrea. Your positive thoughts mean so much! Love you, girl!

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  3. praying for you linds! I know that its such a bittersweet day for you! I remember when I quit teaching and how sad i was about leaving my coteachers..the ones I saw more than I saw my husband! But this will be such a wonderful thing for you. Staying home is amazing and ya'll will make it work financially! Now get through today and then enjoy all the holiday festivities that you now can enjoy daily wit your kids!

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  4. Of course it's going to be a trying day for you and has been an emotional roller coaster! You've spent so much time building your career with people you care about! Sending you lots of love and hopefully a lot of laughs today!! o, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  5. I can only imagine all the emotions going through you! Definitely bittersweet! Trust me, everything will work out with you staying home, I just know it!!! Hugs friend!!! xo

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  6. You've got this, Lindsay! I hope you have a wonderful last day. Cry those tears, girl! After 13 years, you're totally allowed to and you've earned them, darn it! You've been on my mind all week and I've been praying that your transition goes smoothly. Enjoy this day. Hug, cry and then go home to those babes of yours... XO

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  7. I pray you feel all the love from those sweet coworkers today and you make it through with your sweet signature smile! I remember leaving my teaching team and they were such dear sweet friends. It's not easy at all :) xoxo ERIN

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  8. Sending love and positive thoughts on your last day hun! I know you're going to shine no matter what you do. Enjoy this special season with your kiddos and take some time for yourself. The fact it's so hard to leave just shows what a meaningful impact you make on the things you do!

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  9. I don't think you are being overdramatic at all. You grew up there, you went through A LOT and made so many memories. And it's sad the way things happened but I'm sure everything will work out just fine.
    Sending you big hugs!
    xo, Lily
    Beauty With Lily

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  10. Sending you all the hugs today girlie! Such a bittersweet day. Corporate America is seriously the worst, and I'm dealing with the same B.S. now that I'm a mom and there's no other way to put it than it sucks. Super jealous that you'll have so much more free time with your babies, but saying goodbye to co-workers is always hard. Sending more hugs <3
    Green Fashionista

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  11. ALL of your feelings are VERY VALID. My heart is going out to as so many others are as well. You will go through this process and all of the emotions and take these six weeks to just process it all out. January 1 you will be fresh mentally and physically and I promise it will all work out. It will. I know you have the faith, so lean on that. Happy Holidays to you. I really enjoy reading about you and your lovely family. It's all going to be ok!!!!

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    1. Donna, your sweet words mean so much to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to lift me up, and as always, thank you for reading. xo

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  12. I hope you are doing ok today. I know it is going to be a rough day and I don't know how you are doing it. My co-worker who I worked with for 11 years left last week and he went through the same thing. I totally feel you. Hugs.

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  13. Catching up on my blog reading tonight and am thinking of you! I hope you feel a huge weight off of your shoulders that your last day in behind you. I also hope that soon down the road you look back and realize that all of this was so mean to be and truly a part of what God has in store for you and your family. It's just so hard in the meantime that that's not obvious yet. <3

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  14. I hope you are feeling peace about your decision friend. I bet Friday was very emotional.

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  15. I can only imagine how emotional this was. While I've been in different jobs I've seriously worked at the same place 26 years and started at 22 as well. It becomes a family..a huge support system! Prayers to you as you transition!

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  16. Girl, I am rooting for you! I know you will figure this out and I think spending the time soaking in the season with your family is just what is needed before kicking it into gear next year! You got this!!!

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