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It’s no secret
that I struggle with anxiety as I’ve been vocal about it here on the blog. For those of you who are new here and are unaware,
though, here’s a brief history – I’ve struggled with some anxiety to a degree for
most of my life, although I wasn’t fully aware of it until recently. 2019 was a rough year for our family and my
anxiety took on a whole new form, manifesting in all sorts of ways that I never
even knew possible – shortness of breath, constriction in my throat (the
feeling of being strangled), lump in my throat, the loss of my voice, physical
body pains, chest tightness and heaviness, and many other things.
All year last
year my doctors searched in all the wrong places, thinking the symptoms were
from a physical medical issue – asthma and allergies (which I do legitimately
have, but are not the root of the problem), reflux (which was eventually ruled
out), heart problems (also ruled out), and several other things. They prescribed one medication after another
to correct said issues, but none of them ever fully helped with my
symptoms.
One day, thankfully,
after checking my throat for signs of LPR and vocal cord dysfunction and
finding not one thing wrong, my ENT doctor gently told me that his wife suffers
from anxiety and that she experiences all of the same physical symptoms that I
was having at the time. He strongly advised
that I see someone for anxiety and the rest is history.
Sure enough, I
started seeing a therapist, I started meditating, and I started doing a whole
bunch of other things to strengthen my mind, and slowly but surely, I proved my
ENT doctor to be 100% correct. I always
knew that I was a worrier and that I was kind of high strung (I’ve been like
that my whole life!) but I didn’t realize just how extreme my worrying was until
I started talking to a therapist about it.
I thought it was totally normal to worry constantly about every single
little thing and prepare for worst-case scenarios for everything in my life. It never even occurred to me that it was all because
of anxiety. I thought I was just a worrywart.
I was diagnosed
with generalized anxiety disorder last October, and only then did I realize
that I’ve probably struggled with anxiety to some degree for most of my life…
especially my adult life. Unfortunately,
I had to let it get completely out of control before I found the problem. If someone had realized this a long time ago,
it probably wouldn’t have ever gotten this bad.
Sad, but true.
I’ve been
working really hard since October to get my anxiety under control
naturally (without medication, although there’s absolutely nothing wrong with
taking that route if that’s the right thing to do!), and although I feel like
I’ve started to harness it, I still feel like I’m fairly fragile.
As you can
imagine, the recent turn of events in our world has shaken me up quite badly,
and I know that it’s going to be an ongoing struggle to get by day after day
without letting my anxiety get the best of me.
I’m the type of person who likes structure and routine. I’m an enneagram 6, so I thrive on schedules,
normalcy, and comfort, and I like to be prepared at all times. This worldwide crisis we’re in is most
definitely the opposite of all of those things.
However, I’m
bound and determined to keep my anxiety in check these next few weeks and
months as we navigate this uncharted territory, and today I’m sharing some
things that have helped me tremendously with my anxiety these last six months. Some things target the actual anxiety and
some of the things are just things that make me happy, and when I’m happy, my
anxiety is a lot less likely to rear its ugly head. :o)
Disclaimer –
I am obviously not a doctor, and therefore, I’m only sharing the things that
work for me personally. If you suffer
from anxiety or depression or any other mental illness, please contact your
doctor.
O N E – Have
Quiet Time with God Every Single Day
Of all the
things that I’ve done for my anxiety these past six months, I have found quiet
time with God to be the most effective.
I’ve always been a spiritual and religious person… I was raised Catholic
and went to a Catholic school for most of my life. I still attend the same Catholic church
weekly, I say my prayers each day, I bless our food before every meal, and I
pray with the kids each day/night.
However, until six months ago, I rarely took the time to just sit alone
and be with God. I’ve had a devotional
for years that I’ve read off and on, but when things get busy (which is most of
the time) that is always one of the things that gets pushed to the backburner
first.
Why?
Six months ago
I knew things needed to change, so I’ve been intentional about my time with God
ever since then, and I’ve made it a point to have quiet time with Him nearly
every single day (right now I’m on an 83 day streak). I cannot even tell you how wonderful it has
been for me to just be still for a few minutes each day. My quiet time is nothing fancy, I just grab
my two devotionals, read from each of them, literally talk to God about any and
everything that’s on my mind, and then tell Him my specific intentions for the
day. I am currently reading this devotional and this devotional to get a double dose each day and I can’t even
tell you how comforting the words are in those books. Most days it literally feels like God is
reaching out and talking to me directly.
I cannot recommend them enough. As a matter of fact, I'm not the only one... this devotional has 34,996 reviews with 4.8 stars!!
T W O –
Meditate Every Single Day
Meditation comes
in a close second for managing my anxiety.
I had never meditated in my life until October last year, and it has
been quite literally life changing. I
love it so much there will never be a time in my life from this point forward
that I don’t do it. I downloaded the
Calm app last October and it has been a Godsend. There are meditations for anxiety, sleep,
stress, self-care, inner peace, focus, emotions, and so much more. My favorite meditations to do are “7 Days of
Calm” and “7 Days of Calming Anxiety.” I
do a meditation from this app every single day (each one averages between 10
and 15 minutes) and then I follow up the meditation with my quiet time.
If you’re not
familiar with meditation and you want to learn the science behind it, I urge
you to watch this YouTube video. It
breaks everything down so it’s easy to understand, and by the time the video is
over, I promise you’ll want to try it for yourself. Meditation literally changes the structure of
your brain to make it more powerful.
It’s a workout for your brain just like the gym is a workout for your
muscles. Why meditation isn’t more
mainstream, I’ll never know. It was the
very first thing that my therapist told me to start doing to manage my anxiety
as there is rock solid evidence that proves it works. The key to mediation is consistency,
though. Just keep that in mind!
T H R E E –
Focus on the Things You can See, Hear, Smell, and Feel
Last year I had
my first panic attack and it was one of the scariest things I’ve ever been
through… I thought I was having a heart attack, the doctors ruled it an
esophageal spasm, and then they later ruled it a panic attack. I’ve had several more instances since that
day where I could feel another one coming on, but thanks to having the ability
to identify it and know how to manage it, I was able to stop them in their
tracks.
My therapist
taught me that the best thing to do to help with a panic attack or to calm down
when feeling overwhelmed is to stop what you’re doing and focus on the things
you can see, hear, smell, and feel. Doing
things like watching a bird fly through the sky, listening to the sound of
dinner cooking on the stove, smelling the honeysuckle that’s growing wild on
the fence, or touching the freshly cut grass forces you to be in the present
moment. When your mind is in the present
moment, that means it’s not worrying about the past or trying to predict the
future. Being present is one of the most
important things you can do for anxiety and I have found that to be true for
myself.
F O U R – Go
Outside and Spend Time in Nature
Speaking of
being present, there’s nothing like being present out in nature! Being able to smell the fresh air, focus on the
vastness of the sky, and enjoy all of the beautiful things that God created
just for us is another one of my favorite things to do when I start to feel
symptoms of anxiety coming on.
F I V E – Spend
Quality Time with Family
Since being
present is of utmost importance for managing anxiety, another thing that works
for me is to immerse myself in quality time with Brian and the kids or other
family and friends when anxiety starts to creep in. There have been so many days where I have
experienced symptoms of anxiety all day long, only to have it completely
disappear after I pick up the kids from school.
Why? Because I’m spending time
with them, listening to them talk about their day, helping them with homework,
and loving on them. Focusing on other
people keeps me anchored in the present which means that my mind has no time to
wander and worry and stress. Unless of
course, they’re the ones stressing me out, of course. ;o)
When you immerse
yourself in conversation with another person and try to make them feel comfortable,
that takes your mind off of your own self and how you feel. It allows your mind to focus on someone
else’s feelings and needs which means that you’re not in your own head,
worrying about your own discomfort or anxiety.
With everyone
keeping their social distance these days, it’s getting harder and harder to
spend time with loved ones in person, but I fully intend to talk on the phone,
Facetime, Skype, and Zoom with everyone as much as possible to keep in
touch!
S I X – Listen
to Uplifting Music / Podcasts
Music has
always played a big role in my life, and there are certain genres that can lift
my spirits in an instant. If I could
only listen to one genre for the rest of my life, it would be old
standards/jazz. Frank Sinatra, Count
Basie, John Coltrane, and even the newer takes on the classics like Michael
Buble, Steve Tyrell, and Rod Stewart’s songbooks are my favorite. I can be having the worst day and turn
on some standards, and it is an instant mood-booster. The Jazz for Studying channel on Pandora is
what I listen to most often and it’s free!
Somedays I’ll
be in the mood for something more current, and I’ll reach for Lizzo or Taylor
Swift or Ed Sheeran or Dave Matthews Band... whatever makes me happy at the
time. Maybe yours is rap? Classic rock?
Worship music? Whatever it is,
turn it on and blast it! Or play it
softly… whatever makes you feel more relaxed and happy.
I’ve also
recently started listening to podcasts that are uplifting and informative. Someone recently turned me on to Rhythms
for Life with Gabe and Rebekah Lyons and they often talk about ways to
manage anxiety. Feeding your brain with
knowledge on how to combat anxiety gives you the upper hand!
S E V E N – Watch
Uplifting Shows/Movies
Watching movies
and shows that make me happy is another way that I calm myself when I’m feeling
anxious. The show Friends is my all-time
favorite show ever and I’ve watched it so much that it’s become a comfort to me,
like covering up with a warm blanket when it’s cold. Sometimes I sit and actively watch it and
sometimes I just have it on in the background while I’m doing other
things. Either way, it does me a world
of good to hear those familiar voices and watch the same episodes that I’ve been
watching over and over since I was a kid.
Watching
beloved movies is also one of the ways that I find I can lift my spirits. Some of my feel-good favorites are The
Wedding Planner, Miss Congeniality, What Women Want, 10 Things I Hate About
You, Clueless, and Father of the Bride 2.
If you watch Father of the Bride 2 and tell me your mood hasn’t improved
by the end, then something is just wrong with you! Also, can you tell I’m a child of the 90’s?? Haha.
E I G H T –
Read Books That Help Increase Mental Strength
I’ve found that
arming myself with lots of knowledge about anxiety and knowing how and why it
manifests has had a tremendous positive impact on my mental health. Since I was diagnosed with generalized
anxiety disorder, I’ve been devouring article after article about anxiety on
the internet, and I’ve also lined up several books to facilitate my
learning. I’m currently working my way
through 10% Happier and it has been a game changer. Knowledge is power, y’all. Knowledge is power. Here are a few others I’m hoping to read in
the near future.
N I N E – Use
Essential Oils
I know those of
you who don’t “do” essential oils are rolling your eyes, but during my past
year of oiling I’ve discovered that there are definitely some scents that make
a huge difference in my mood. There is
one scent in particular that makes a huge difference in my mood is
LIME. It’s fresh, it’s clean, and it
reminds me of the scent of Moscow Mules which I love so much. It’s my absolute favorite oil for
diffusing and it’s been going nonstop these last few weeks. My most recent favorite blend is 5 drops of
Thieves (because Thieves is for wellness and immunity which is so important right
now!) and 5 drops of Lime and it smells like pure heaven.
There are also
several oils that have calming properties, and I’ve found that they help me
tremendously when I start to feel panicky or overwhelmed. Peace & Calming is my absolute favorite
for this, followed by Valor, followed by Lavender, followed by Vetiver. Vetiver is actually kind of stinky, but for
some reason it calms me right down when I smell it. To use those oils, I literally rub them
directly on my skin (usually over my heart and on my wrists) or I breathe them
straight from the bottle.
I know a lot of
people are skeptical about the whole essential oils craze, but I am no longer
one of those people. When you know, you
know. And you’ll never know until you
try. If you’re interested in trying them
out, you can learn more from this page on my blog or you can shoot me an email
if you have questions.
T E N – Make
a Gratitude List
If ever I’m
feeling anxious or down, I start to make a list (physically or mentally) of all
of the things that I’m grateful for.
Having a grateful mind and heart trains your brain to focus on the
positive things in life rather than the negative. A grateful heart helps one rise above their
circumstances and a positive mindset leads to a happier life.
E L E V E N –
Manage Physical Pain and Tension
A lot of people
don’t realize it, but anxiety plays a major role in physical pain. All last year I kept having tension
headaches, neck pains, upper back pain, jaw pain, and shoulder pain and I
couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.
Turns out, when I get anxious, I carry my stress in all those areas. The days where I would experience a lot of
anxiety tended to be the days that I would end the day in physical pain, and
that in turn, made my anxiety even worse.
My therapist
said that an important part of keeping anxiety at bay is keeping physical pain under
control, too, and she strongly recommended that I start getting a full body massage
once a month if I can. Well, since I’m
not working full-time anymore, I’m not comfortable with spending that kind of
money, so I bought this shiatsu massager on Amazon instead. Between a sale + a lightning deal + an extra
coupon to clip, I got it for just $17 and it has been worth its weight in
gold. If I had to do it all again and
pay full price for it, I WOULD.
The thing I
love most about this one is that it’s on this little belt which means that you
can place it pretty much anywhere on your body (hips, neck, arms, legs,
back). You can move it around easily to
make sure that the balls are applying pressure to the right spots and the
handles make it easy to apply as much pressure as you need. It rotates clockwise and counterclockwise and
it also has a heat option. I’ve used it
on my neck, shoulders, upper back, middle back, lower back, and hip and it’s
been amazing. It literally rubs/melts
the tension away.
Less physical
pain = less mental pain, so this is a must for keeping my anxiety at bay!
T W E L V E
– See a Therapist
This one is a
no-brainer. I started seeing a therapist
at the end of the year last year and she’s been fantastic. She’s been able to help me identify some
things about myself that I wasn’t aware of (even though I’ve always considered
myself to be a very self-aware person) and she’s been able to provide me with
some tools to manage my anxiety. Most
importantly though, she has been able to validate my feelings and emotions and SHE
HEARS ME. I cannot even tell you how good
it feels to be validated and understood!!
I’m not sure how things will look over the next weeks/months during all
of this social distancing, but I’m praying I can at least continue to have
appointments with her over the phone.
T H I R T E
E N – Keep Busy
The worst thing
for my anxiety is being idle, because when I’m idle, that’s when my mind starts
to wander… usually into worry. When I
start feeling anxious, a lot of the time all I have to do is get up and work on
something engaging – organizing a drawer, cleaning out a closet, or working on
some kind of project. The project has to
be something that takes some thought and concentration, though, otherwise my
mind slips right back into worry.
F O U R T E
E N – Be Prepared
One of the main
things that gives me peace of mind is being prepared. I’m a planner by nature, and I need security,
so being prepared is of utmost importance to me. During this time of crisis that the whole
world is going through, it’s more important than ever to be prepared. A few things we’ve done to be prepared are:
-
Stock
up on essentials – we currently have enough supplies (toilet paper, food,
medicine) to get us through at least two weeks at home should we end up being
on lock-down. However, there is a
difference between stocking up and hoarding.
Please, for the love of God, do not go out and buy 10 packages of
toilet paper!!!! Every single
package that you buy takes away from someone else who is in need!
-
Keep
our immune systems strong – another important thing to do to be prepared is to
keep our bodies healthy and ready to ward off germs should this virus
spread. At our house we are all taking
daily vitamins, eating plenty of fruits and vegetables, exercising, getting
fresh air, using immunity oils, and getting plenty of sleep. Pretty basic stuff, y’all.
-
Stay
on top of the news – I am constantly monitoring the situation and making sure
that we are staying informed because that’s so important right now. However, I am not reading every single
article that I come across… there is too much fake news and too much
sensationalism on the internet and that could end up making you more anxious. I’m currently loving NPR, the New York Times,
theSkimm (they send a daily email straight to my inbox every morning), and The
Happy Broadcast (they report news in an anxiety-free manner and it’s so cute). I also read local news on occasion, but other
than that, I try not read much of anything else. There have been plenty of days that I’ve
completely stayed off of Facebook because it’s better for my sanity that
way.
F I F T E E
N – One Glass of Wine
Before anyone
jumps down my throat, let me go ahead and say, I am not advising anyone to
start drinking for their anxiety and I am aware that drinking does not
solve problems. I am also aware that alcohol
is a depressant and that trying to drink away your problems can lead to very
serious conditions such as alcoholism. I
am in no way encouraging anyone to use alcohol to medicate, I am simply
stating that I do enjoy one small glass of wine on occasion when I’m feeling
particularly tense. I do not in any way
use wine as “medication” for my anxiety.
It’s simply a tool that I use occasionally for relaxation. I told y’all at the beginning of the post
that I was going to tell you what works for me, and I didn’t want to leave this
out since I’m being transparent!
I personally
only drink on the weekends (socially), and when I do, I almost always only have
one drink except in rare circumstances. Occasionally,
when I’ve had a particularly anxious weekday, I will pour myself one single,
small glass of wine to help me wind down.
It physically helps my muscles relax after they’ve been tense all day,
it clears the gunk from my mind and makes it a little lighter, and it helps me
take the edge off. I never have any adverse
reactions during or after consuming it, even the next day. I know that’s not the case for everyone,
though, as alcohol can increase anxiety in some people.
I discussed all
of this with my therapist early on, and she said that as long as I continue to
have a casual, healthy relationship with it that it’s totally fine to have a glass
of wine to take the edge off… she said that for a lot of people, it can
actually be very beneficial.
Anxiety can be
a beast, but there is hope if you’re struggling. If you’re suffering, I strongly urge you to
see a medical professional about it, because there is help to be had! So many people only focus on keeping their
bodies well, but it’s equally (maybe more) as important to take care of your
mind. Yes, I still struggle with anxiety
and I probably always will to some degree, but at least now I have the
knowledge and the tools I need to keep it under control. If I can help even one person by posting about
this, then it’ll be worth it!
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